Six years ago, I brought a young girl with no where to live into my home. Dealing with her was complicated from the start. My children wanted me to put her out only after a few months in, but the mother and nurturer in me thought that with enough love and support she would gain an opportunity to see what normal looks and feels like...to get a sense of family.
From the start, she resisted and sabotaged my efforts every step of the way. She would accept my kindness and take all I had to give without appreciation or gratitude.
She's the epitomy of a passive aggressive, covert narcissist. It wasn't until 2017 that I was able to finally understand who and what I was dealing with. Even then I tried giving her benefit of the doubt, only to get the short end of the stick.
Over this past summer (2018), we agreed to put the past behind us and I thought we were doing really well. I was even reconsidering whether she was really a narc.
And then she revealed herself as the narcissist she is. She recently got a new job, but didn't bother to share this joyful event with me. She told my family members and friends instead.
She had worked there for a week when I found out. She says that she didn't tell me because she didn't want me asking how she liked the job, (SMH). Brought up irrelevant stuff from the past that no longer apply and that she can’t be a friend to me. She blamed me for the reason she didn't accept another job she was considering but didn't realky want.
I'm now ready to get this toxic individual out of my house...out of my life. I became a gray rock because it's clear that she isn't normal. Kept the hurt to myself but did let her know that I am not responsible for her perception of me or the stuff she's holding onto.
I'm trusting my intuition. I know a narc when I see one. She knew which buttons to push and now I have removed her from my life. She's hoovering, but what she says or does no longer matters. I'm at peace and she can no longer infringe on that peace.
Having that light bulb moment of realizing exactly who and what I was dealing with was truly liberating! I knew something was off but couldn't put my finger on it.
Six months after going no contact and to my surprise, my ex reared his ugly head. That same day I stumbled on an IG page for domestic abuse and read a meme on NPD.
That was my Ahha moment and I got to see the monster he really is, which solidfied my resolve to remain no contact. It's been 2 years, and he continues to hoover.
I feel such joy in knowing I will never go back because he'll never change. I see him for exactly who and what he is...a manipulative, self-loathing, emotional vampire without an original thought who thrived on my strength and the beauty within me.
A classic narc through and through! I'm never going back because I deserve so, so, so much more!!! What was your ahha moment?
"I'm sorry I didn't see you. I see you now, reflected in the shadows cast by other lives. When I see them, I'll remember you and hold you safe. Love you, comfort you and help you "
It's been a tough old time. Lots of trauma symptoms, anxiety, feelings of betrayal, abandonment. New and difficult starts, conflict and tension, changes, loss, triggers left, right and centre.
I've been coming across a couple of situations through work that remind me very strongly of my own experiences, although my own were less severe (I'm not sure why I feel the need to qualify my own experiences like that).
Through therapy and reflection, I understand that the strength of my reaction is because I'm conflating my experiences with those of others. So I'm using this to help me care for my younger self, and give her the compassion and committed care that I didn't get at the time. This helps me to gain some distance so that I can honour my professional ethics effectively and advocate with dispassionate integrity and commitment for others in need that sadly aren't seen or dismissed by statutory and voluntary social care agencies.
The collateral damage that comes with narcissistic abuse is not only the loss of the person you thought would never hurt you, but the circle of friends who would turn their backs on you when you need them most. Not every situation is the same, but if you are on the way out of an abusive relationship, expect this to happen. Find the strength within yourself to show you don't need fake friends or an abusive toxic lover. You are better and stronger than them. You are worth more than that. If are one of those people who are there through thick and thin with someone who needs support more than ever, you show more strength and compassion than all those who walk away. #narcissisticabusesurvivor#narcissisticabuse#emotionalabusesurvivors#empath#suicideawareness#depressionawareness#singleandstrong#survivingthenarcissist
Real talk: the response to this has been so overwhelming (in a good way) that I sat on the floor in the hallway outside my hotel room last night from 2-5am so the light from my phone wouldn’t wake up my friends, listening to slot machines in the distance, replying to (almost all of) your messages because I knew it would take a solid 3 hours of seriously concentrated time to reply to everyone. I fucking love you guys. Keep the DMs coming, Thrivers. 💛🦋
This quote - personifies how it feels when you leave a relationship with a #narcissist. Instantaneously you begin the restoration of your self-worth, your dignity and your power! Revenge is not needed! If you are in a relationship with #narcissist, all the tools you need on how to leave a relationship with a #narcissist is contained in my book #How To Divorce a #Narcissist.’ Before 2019 begins - think deeply on how you want your future to look and feel? Do you want to remain unhappy in the relationship with your narcissist or open your life to a world of possibilities? Let me show you how your world can open up in ways you never thought possible? Click on the link in my BIO today and download my book to guide you in creating your best life! Regram @thesinglewoman
👍good reads - book by Dr. Karyl McBride
This book was recommended by a good friend; its an important, groundbreaking book. McBride opens our eyes to these toxic individuals who damage their spouses, children, and inevitably the legal system. This innovative program will help your families chart a course and create health and healing through the divorce process. I highly recommend it! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 👏
Narcissism—a personality disorder that goes beyond mere selfishness and vanity—is a prevalent cause of marital and family problems. Narcissists do not have the capacity to love, understand other people’s emotions, or feel empathy. They are grandiose in their need for praise and attention, they overestimate their abilities, and they diminish people around them with emotional abuse. Being in an intimate relationship with a narcissist destroys your hopes, dreams, and peace of mind and erodes your children’s emotional health and your finances.
DOES this sound like what you have to deal with?? 🧐
If you ever look at your partner and wonder in despair if you will ever be free, the answer is yes, you can be.
As a survivor of emotional abuse, this book has open my eyes to the harsh realities of my husband’s narcissist behavior.
Step #1: Recognizing how traumatic and profoundly distressing your experience has been is an important first step.
You must take care of yourself like you are recovering from a really bad illness. Surround yourself with positive things. Try very hard to not let your anger, resentment, and hurt destroy you. It will eat away at your insides and turn you into one big ball of rage. When you experience this depth of betrayal from someone you thought you could trust with your life it cuts you to your very soul. I made a conscious choice to get through it by sheer willpower. I decided I was going to rise above the ashes and come out on the other end, stronger, and with my dignity. 🔙👍😁 #narcissisticabusesurvivor#narcissist#narcissisticabuse#narcissism#narcissisticpersonalitydisorder#knowledgeispower📚 #instagramstories#instagramlife#heal#recover#educateyourself#knowledgeispower