You Define Yourself…..⠀
I love this quote because it’s something I struggled with for so long in my life. When I was a kid I was defined as “sweet, quiet, Tricia” and I totally lived up to that. Life was chaotic and so don’t make any more waves was the answer in my little mind. So, I accepted what others defined me as. ⠀
When I became a teenager I was dying for attention and to belong somewhere, so I rebelled and turned to alcohol, drugs and boys. I could fit in with the kids that were doing the same and I could pretend life was good. So, I let substance and friends define me.⠀
Then I attached myself to a boy that I thought was the bomb. All the girls liked him, and I got him, so I was something then. I was not something because of who I was but because of who he was. So, I let him define me. ⠀
When we became adults……well, at least by age, we were very dysfunctional adults and our relationship became abusive. He was afraid of losing me, so he began to tear me down piece by piece until I believed I could not live without him. If I showed any signs of becoming independent, he quickly corrected me by telling me I was nothing without him and that he would kill me if I left him. Again, he was defining me. ⠀
I became more and more isolated and afraid and so I did everything I could to keep the peace and not draw conflict. I tried to leave off and on again by planning and escape but would eventually go back. It is a very sick process but when you have no self-worth whatsoever you don’t know how else to make it. And so, it’s a process of bullying, becoming a victim and letting someone else define you to a point where there is no you anymore. ⠀
When I think back on that life and who I am now it’s hard to believe I ever lived it. Many women don’t ever get of it and just continue from one abuser to the next. Truly it was because of services like Women’s Shelters where I began to learn the cycle of abuse. I remember to this day being absolutely floored that a total stranger was telling me my life. ⠀
I hope this story of redemption can help someone else out there. God was my protection and my guide to a life without abuse. He can be for you too.
Oh hey, I know HER! Follow my takeover of @_weareher tomorrow, and continue following for Healing, Empowerment and Restoration. 💛🦋
#Repost@_weareher with @get_repost
Hey everyone, to bring awareness to #DVAM HER is hosting our second #ExpertTakeover! Meet Rachel of @noblenav 💙💜 I started following her account earlier this summer and am constantly in awe of the education she has brought into my life. I know she’ll share valuable information about what it’s like to be an abusive relationship with a narcissist. 💙💜
When you meet all of the “crazy” women from his past and they wind up being smart, logical, honorable, and lovely with the same exact story as you. 💛🦋
8 1686 hours ago
Take your self shopping. Buy your own gifts. Take your self to art galleries in different cities. Go to the cinema and watch anything YOU want to. Get a ticket to France and explore the city. Push yourself to the limit and break beyond it. Love EVERY single inch of your body and the skin you are in. Take care of yourself. Look in the mirror every morning and say to yourself hey good looking. Grab a train to a city you’ve never heard of before. Take pictures of yourself in awkward situations. Get lost and find your self. Breath in the scent of your own worth. Feel your own hands wrapped around your own body . Become whole as a individual without the need of anyone else. Wear something shocking. Sing. Sing till your voice is breaking. Dance like no ones watching. Draw yourself. Take yourself to learn new skills . Start boxing / rock climbing. Learn about your culture and heritage.
Be SO immersed within your own self that NO ONE can make you question your self . So no one can break down your walls. Become so defiant within your self that you are strong enough to battle this world and the next alone.
Spend time with YOU.
It’s the entity you’ll spend the longest time with. -
And this is a step where we need to take responsibility for what’s going on for us. Because I firmly believe that unless we develop awareness around those limiting beliefs, they stay tucked away in our subconscious, consistently waiting for an opportunity to make us feel bad or second guess something. And we will never feel how we were meant to feel.
“Time is the great healer. No matter how difficult the circumstances that cross our path, it takes time for our emotions, minds and spirit to process what’s happened. Rushing to make choices too quickly can send us down the wrong fork in the road. It’s normal and natural to feel overwhelmed, out of sorts and confused when a major change knocks on our door. While you may be forced to make some choices quickly, delay as many choices as possible until time has worked its magic. When you feel on solid ground again, you will be ready to make better choices about the future.”
In the past, I have made decisions automatically, without thinking as I was stressed or making those decisions from a place of fear.
One skill I have learnt when reaching a fork in the road is to pause and then mindfully decide my response.
Making responses consciously is much more powerful than simply reacting to situations.
My question to get you thinking consciously today is, “Who do you need to be and what do you need to believe in order to live a life of prosperity/abundance?”
Prosperity and abundance being what ever you want it to be(not necessarily financial)
This is a big question and may need time to think about and revisit. I like to meditate on this question and the journal what thoughts appear to me.
Answer this question honestly and from the heart and then no matter which path you choose, you will have a rich a meaningful experience.
When you make your recovery a future goal, you give yourself more time, .. more time means more ego.
As long as the ego runs your life - there are two ways of being unhappy. Not getting what you want is one. Getting what you want is the other.
1 1211 hours ago
Love? No. That’s not what that was. Love is real and healthy and honest and respectful. What you had with the narcissist was smothering, selfish, phony, manipulative and abusive. You deserve real, healthy, reciprocal, safe love. You’re worth it. 💛🦋
These girl women are out there getting pulled and pinched over and over in a repetitive and predictable motion until they’re worn thin, fine, pliable and glossy as pink taffy and still they’re coming back for more, on some unicorn mission to find themselves and discover themselves in the stretching and twisting and the infinite interpretive moments between words on a screen and words in a mouth and they don’t know yet and they’ll never know if they don’t pull themselves free, if they don’t drip to rescue from the metal, if they don’t malform and need to be discarded, if they don’t let themselves burn away from what we are told and what we hear and what we want to show because everyone is out searching for themselves but they’re there, a hot molten core, you’re carrying the truth around inside you while you hunt for it in a fool’s journey and no one makes you you, and you don’t get to decide who you are, you are not who you want to be just because you declare it, you taffy girl-women destroying yourselves for declarative boy-men are out there falling apart in your sweetness while this angry honesty rages within it makes me want to scream knowing we’re all living each others’ same mistakes and none of us can save us.
Hot damn, well isn't that prophetic? My college library was celebrating poetry month (April) and had set out a small table full of pre-cut words and phrases for the students to come by and assemble into lines of poetry. So I took my turn and played my hand, right beside the person who I, at the time, had no idea I would need to cut from my life only weeks later. And today, I was going back through my camera roll and found this shot I'd snapped that day. A tingle of electric realization went up and down my spine when I saw it. It made me stop a moment to recognize that, even then, I knew a storm was coming. I was simply trying to look the other way so I could try to convince myself I was misinterpreting my own intuition. It's sad, I think, that I was so in the shit that I couldn't trust myself. But that's in the past now. I'm learning, getting better, healing. And now I must work to give my past self a little more credit for the instincts that somehow kept slipping through my eyelashes and into view.