You know, sometimes the worst part about having PTSD isn’t actually the trauma you experienced. It’s the flashbacks that come with it.
Sometimes it’s just flickers - like scrolling slowly through a camera. An image here - an image there.
Other times it’s like the whole entire trauma is being played like a movie over and over again in your head. And no matter how many times you try to turn the TV off, it just turns back on again.
That’s what is kept me up until 3-4am last night. Flashback flickers that I saw every time I closed my eyes. No amount of audiobook visualisation could fix. So I stayed up awake - held hostage in my own mind. #ptsd#ptsdrecovery#mhrecovery#shrecovery#recoveryispossible
I’ve been walking in a fog. A story i don’t want to tell hangs out in my heart and drains me some days. Still being pretty new in ATL i haven’t wanted to talk about it much, because that’s not the most fun way to make friends, : ) but tonight a couple of girls i know from CA met up with me. They spoke kindness, and truth to me in a way i haven’t believed it in a little too long. •• I want to talk about how that felt. I felt the hardness that keeps me from crying, or breaking ease off of me, i felt very seen, loved, encouraged, supported. For every turn i took to change the conversation so as not to be a bummer, or too self focused, these friends in their own life, in their own struggles, kept coming back to me and building me up. It is hard to be hard all the time. That may seem kind of funny coming from me in this space since i often share heart related things, but in life I’ve changed a lot over the past year or so... and not really for the better. I guess i haven’t quite felt like myself and the distance between who i was, who i was becoming and who i am has grown. It’s not like I’m a monster : ) mostly I’ve just felt, whatever light, and strength i once had has become smaller and smaller. Some hits are obvious, some change you slowly over time, and one day you wake up dimmer, jaded and struggling to remember yourself as the person you use to be proud of. If you are struggling to remember the truth about yourself, i encourage you to try to spend time with people that really know you. Maybe they’ll challenge you and tell you some hard things about yourself, and maybe they’ll bring you back to your soul. Reach out to your friends and allow your friends to reach out to you.
Old photo cirque 2015 @brenebrown@mikesmithlive
P.S tag a friend you can always talk to.
Special thanks to my CA girls @candycanes01@aliciamariecastle and my rad cousin/ sis @karolangelina 💛💛💛
14 89an hour ago
SEMPLE YET POWERFUL.
Some have said it allows them to stand again on worn knees. Some have left reviews saying it helped them get back to independence after surgery.
It sounds a lot like getting your life back.
What would you be doing right now if you weren’t in pain or hyper-anxious?
Visit keepithemple.com to see more. #keepithemple
Day 1 - Early start and on the road!!! Big day today, going all the way through to Mildura. All the kids have been great so far, thank the Buddha for iPads and colouring in books!!! @berryelissa@johnberry08
I love this man. ❤️❤️. He pushes himself hard & also pushes me to be my best.
We fight over weights to push each other to be our best. 💪😖💪 I love that we have found a program we love doing together. I never thought I would love lifting weights but I do!! 🏋️♀️🏋️♀️ Even late tonight we decided to do our workout that killed our shoulders. I kept thinking throughout the reps my arms will look amazing in another 6 weeks! 👍🤔 I love having a hot date with him every day. What is your favorite hot date?
1 62 hours ago
Is this ‘W’ for Wudtke or Winning? Most days it’s for Wudtke, but today it’s the latter.
Today I showed up for myself. Nowhere in particular but I did what I set out to do and I got it done. ✔️ I’m working hard on my health and doing big things to better not just my physical health, but my mental health. I’m making more time for me. I’m getting more comfortable with the idea of finding it necessary to let things go simply for the reason that they are heavy. I’m speaking up and speaking out.
And I’m about to take down some freshly baked cookies. Life’s about balance. And celebrating the small victories.
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I got a library card yesterday and was shocked at how many libraries are here compared to the two back home (college and public). Anyways, I have two books being transferred and Shawn found this for me in the meantime. I’m about halfway done.
It’s helped answer so many weird questions and has helped me regain some clarity as well as connectedness.✨ After my NDE, I had what’s called a “spiritually transformative experience” which is actually common. You see people in movies and the media change who they are after a brush with death, but they always tend to have faced brimstone and fire in those stories. There are accounts in here about people feeling that same peace and serenity I’ve felt, that togetherness with he cosmos. No hate, no pain, no hurt, just pure positivity. Just like them, it changed something so deep and dark within my soul. Why wallow in the pits of despair when you can hold your smile in the beauty of something you love until you feel better?
Love this. Such a random find but so deeply needed. Every day I’m one step closer to not only finding my true self, but becoming a being of love, passion, and positivity. 💖✨ #nde#ste#ptsdrecovery#therapy#selfhelp#love
1 93 hours ago
When I started this page, never did I imagine that in only two years I would reach as many as 6,000 people. I am so thankful that I have been able to connect with so many Survivors on our healing journey. Thank you for being here - STAY SAFE 💖 #supportsurvivors
✧ Complex PTSD vs. PTSD: Part 2 ✧
We're continuing our series today by tackling a few more of the differences between Complex PTSD and PTSD. Here, we focus more on the manifestation of the symptoms, and less on what causes them.
In both classic and Complex PTSD, survivors are riddled with no shortage of posttraumatic symptoms: from flashbacks, to nightmares, hypervigilance, paranoia, exaggerated startle response, emotion dysregulation, and so much more. Both share all the excruciating re-experiencing symptoms that no one should have to go through. Complex PTSD, however, goes a little deeper and revolves more heavily around the very core of a person -- how they see themselves, their perpetrator(s), the world around them; what they believe is good vs. bad, safe vs. dangerous, pain vs. pleasure. These topics can get incredibly muddied and sometimes connections may be made that are polar opposites from one another, maintaining themselves well into adulthood. This is not to say that PTSD sufferers cannot also experience some degree of this post-trauma. All mental illness and life-altering experiences have a way of distorting our perspective on ourselves and the world us. For Complex PTSD sufferers, however, these distorted perceptions are in direct correlation with their traumatic experiences, development of self, and/or the messages they were told or led to believe while in another person's total control for months or years.
We will be going into much greater detail on those areas in the next several days, but first we'll give a quick look at the the recovery process for both C-PTSD and PTSD.
Stay tuned! .
I've been doing Sarah Blondin's course on Insight Timer called: Coming Home To Yourself 💗
I've realized through this course how uncomfortable I feel when arriving to stillness. My initial reaction is fear. To pull away 💔
I realize this impulse to retract, to escape, applies to alcohol. When I'm anxious, I want a drink & if I don't drink, the anxiety swells. It becomes more than a want. I start crawling out my skin. I become snippy, irritable, & miserable to be around 😔
#soberoctober showed me that those urges will pass & I don't have to give into them. Just as Sarah Blondin is teaching me to arrive to stillness in meditation, I'm teaching myself to be still when my urges flare up. To breathe, soften, & trust: this too shall pass💓
We know that every family is unique and some may need more support than others. We’re committed to remaining involved with families following the therapeutic program they attend to help them continue reintegrating and healing, and empowering them to thrive long after they return home.
Hey My Luvs 😘 HUMANITY STORIES PART 3….PLEASE SWIPE for writings ♥️ (1)MAN ON THE AIRPLANE (2) PROMISE ME - ROSE Long post *MAN ON THE AIRPLANE I'm so passionate about humanity ...I know I bore you on us being more united like a huge family & With regular appreciation as don't take anyone lightly....Waittt Virtual hug time😍
ROSE - PROMISE ME I shared small Excerpt here from ROSE my 4 part story on Alzheimer's. My poems from this story is DAUGHTER & On loss of loved one are UNSPOKEN WORDS & SOLACE IN YOUR LOSS...I feel we should be accessed by A Humanity score then Gdp..How are our seniors doing Our children Aged Veterans The poor let's add animals as they are part of humanity to me etc etc...It affects all ♥️Age is just a number..My first passion is Elders/At home care so they can stay home as long as possible getting medical & Assistance at home..Also on Hospice level care (end of life care).. I will be sharing more...I shared resources in highlights above but reach out to me♥️ Our elders should be treated with dignity and respect.. **IT IS ALOT to care at times & worth it all to take some help...My Sincere Prayers it gets easier for them Their families Caregivers Well wishers blessing them with strength to get through ♥️I'm here for you..Long post I better stop now lol ....
Lots of Love Lovelies & Keep Slaying 😘♥️
There’s no magic pill
Or a breakthrough therapy session
No magic wand
Or epiphany decision -
This is a war
Against your own mind
Every second of every day
Is a battle of some kind.
To fight the urge to use behaviours
To give in ‘just this once’
Constantly reminding yourself
That the voice in your head is a liar.
Once is never enough, neither is 100 times
It wants your life
You have to be a fighter. -
24 hours a day, seven days a week
There is no time off or short break.
Recovery is a full time commitment
It’s a battle for your life
And no matter how much the exhaustion overwhelms you, and you just want the shortest of breaks,
You can’t quit. Because deep down you know,
and you have to hold onto the belief, that all the battles and fighting,
it’ll be worth it.
Here’s something that bothers me 📣
A couple weekends ago I went to Disney to celebrate my first anniversary with my boyfriend. One evening we went to @chilis and the server asked what we would like to drink and offered us margaritas. I told her my drink order and decline any alcohol. The server says “oh don’t be lame” or something like that. When I was 16 years old I was into the party scene and drank a lot to the point where I blacked out. I no longer drink like that at all and it was a phase. What bothers me about what that server says is she doesn’t know if I am a recovering alcoholic or that I take antidepressants. It was really insensitive for her to say that rude comment. Does anyone else feel bothered by comments such as that when they cannot drink alcohol for any reason. I personally do not drink alcohol because I am on antidepressants. Drinking alcohol does not make you cool. You shouldn’t feel pressured to try alcohol, especially if you are under age. You can decline alcohol for any reason.
21 18711:30 PM Oct 4, 2018
#WhyIDidntReport Actually I did. And I was told because I was in a relationship with him it wasn’t that bad. And I was “lucky” that it wasn’t worse...because rape is just fine? And was asked what was I wearing. And then they forgot to file my report for 3 weeks while the detective who took it when on vacation. And then they didn’t take my case at all, even though this guy has 5 other restraining orders against him, 2 convictions of sexual assault, and 2 convictions of domestic violence. Because, and I quote, “juries are biased against women anyway.”
43 189012:28 AM Sep 28, 2018
Trauma isn’t just a “bad experience” - it spreads and touches so many pieces of our minds, physically, biologically, spiritually, and more. It is okay to recognize that. And it is okay to work towards healing from that. 💜
• PTSD has a lovely way of creeping up on you when you least expect it, and last night it hit full force. Thankfully I was not alone and my boyfriend was able to help me breathe, but I was at a loss for words when it came time to explain to him exactly what had happened so many years ago. All I wanted to do was retreat and leave his apartment, in order to be alone to isolate. But I stayed and found myself feeling safe. I typically flinch at the thought of someone touching me after a panic attack prompted by my PTSD, but he held me just as I needed. I’m here to remind you that not all days are good days. Some days are pure hell; just remember you don’t have to isolate always in order to feel better. If I would have gone home, I would have cried all night and not been able to sleep. Since I stayed with someone who makes me feel safe, I was able to calm down, take my medicine, and sleep. When I awoke in the night, I rolled over to see the man who helped me through a difficult moment. Find people in your life that understand mental illness and establish meaningful relationships with them; they are truly the ones that will lift you up in your darkest moments •