I wasn’t going to post because if I’m honest, my soul is sad today. In an unpredictable way. I’ve been flip flopping between okay and depressed and if I let myself I could probably have a nice meltdown right now, but I’m not sure I have the energy. So it’s a blah day over here, friend.
I’ve been noticing that some weekends are really stressful and hard which I’m trying to figure out.
Resting is especially hard. I tried to be more mindful of resting mentally today (my homework-free day) and enjoy doing things like cooking and laundry and running errands (things I want to do but can stress me out if I feel like I have to do them). And I think I feel less sad than this morning, so I’m thankful for that!
It’s so easy to only focus on the good things on social media. It’s easy to think that everyone’s lives are going super and you’re the only one struggling. It’s easy to think you’re messing up or missing out.
But I just wanted to remind you and me that that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I’m no expert at this depression thing...the only time I used to be sad was when my time of the month was approaching and now that’s almost my new normal...but here’s what I’m trying to focus on and maybe it will encourage you too:
There is nothing I can do to make myself less valuable. I am precious and I am loved (which brings me to tears when I think about it). I am broken, and that is okay. I won’t be in this season forever. And while I’m here, I get to choose what I focus on. And I’m trying to focus on the truth about who I am, and that I’m so blessed, even though this sucks.
For anyone else struggling today, I’m praying for the both of us. You’re not alone even if it feels that way ❤️
BABY FINE BABYLIGHTS
Everyone has their own technique and you gotta do what works for you! I love using my @framar foils because the weight is just perfect! 😗👌🏻
I’m blending my guests previous balayage with some babylights to break up the depth of her natural base!
What other kinds of videos would you like to see?
Sixers win! The Sixers cruise by the Cavs 128-105 and avenge their previous loss to them thanks to a great game from Ben and some timely shooting from Landry Shamet. Everyone had a great overall game. On to San Antonio!
2 2032 hours ago
Hands interactions using Kinect and Processing 🔥 #HotandCold
Version 3, just getting silly now.
Worm shape can now be set using price data of US equities by passing ticker. Scaling between min and max for the year. Link in bio. So for example Tesla #p5js#processing#generativeart#dataviz
I started writing around 11. Kept a journal in a composition notebook; filled it mostly with prayers and verses and religious propaganda. I started doing it because I'd heard a religious leader talk about keeping a "prayer journal" and it sounded holy and I desperately wanted to be the best christian I could be. I wrote out "prayers" that were really just attempts at making sense of my environment, my traumatic experiences, my grief, etc.
As a child taught to sit still, be quiet, obey without question, submit, keep secrets, essentially not to speak, writing was one of the only spaces I had to even attempt to tell the truth; to name what I was living through. As I got older, I gave up the guise of "prayer journaling" and started writing more fluidly, got into music and spoken word poetry, realized other people were doing the exact same thing I was: using creativity as a means to process their stories.
Writing was the only defense I had, some days. And writing has been, on varying levels, a huge part of what's allowed me to progress to where I am. I wrote my way out of hell. I wrote my way through college. I wrote my way here. Created a better narrative for myself. Began to starve the bullshit in my head with the truth I could put on paper even if I couldn't say it aloud. I wrote my way out. When my prayers to God were met with indifference, I picked up a pen and wrote my own deliverance.