**I feel like maybe this post needs a trigger warning because it is a powerful one**
I have attempted suicide.
I remember another time when I was put on a new meds and the only thing that stopped me from attempting suicide again that day was my body physically shutting down and not enabling me to move.
I will never forget that feeling of not wanting anything in the world more than for it to all end.
There were countless years when I self mutilated every single day.
I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bi-polar disorder.
I was suicidal for so long that I didn’t see a future for myself at all.
There were times when I never even imagined I would still be alive today. When I hoped that I wouldn’t still be alive today.
I never once imagined that years later I would be living a life that I loved so much.
I never imagined that it was possible to be this happy.
Of course there are still days where I feel like shit.
There are still days when I don’t want to leave my bed.
And there were times when I went from on top of the world all the way back to what felt like zero again.
Of course my life isn’t perfect. But I never imagined it could be as amazing as it is today.
If I can change my life around so dramatically, then so can you.
Trust me, you can do it.
Trust me, this isn’t permanent, no matter how permanent it seems.
Trust me, there is a light on the other side.
I trust that you have the strength to get through this, and you will.
It does get better, even though sometimes it may get worse again before it gets truly better, but don’t stop trying because if you woke up today, you still have a purpose. .
♥️ You’re still needed here. .
♥️ You’re still wanted here. .
♥️ You’re still loved.
I know it feels like it’s never ending. Trust me, I’ve been there. I have. And so have many others before me too. But it does get better. It will get better. It will.
It’s a journey. It’s a process. It’s hard as fuck, and every day I know you feel like giving up (because I did too) but all of it makes you stronger.
Every single day you become stronger.
So don’t give up.
You can do this, I know you can. ♥️
My big hike today from Yudaki Falls to Ryuzu Falls. This was a mostly flat level hike on a man-made track, which I found pretty easy. There was a lovely creek that I followed most of the way passing birds, ducks and a golden meadow. I stopped for some photo opportunities in front of Mt Nantai and enjoyed the view. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't run into any deer or monkeys (or bears) 😂 Although I was fascinated by how much the scenery changed as I continued walking along the track.
I enjoyed dango at Yudaki Falls and then vegetable soba noodles at a restaurant down the bottom of Ryuzu Falls stairs.
Later I went to Yumoto Onsen which was super relaxing and water was boiling hot! I met a really nice lady at the onsen and she was practising her English, while I was practising my Japanese with her. Afterwards she offered me a lift home as her and her son were going my way.