1. A boy with thick spectacles who went to school in a neat shirt, uncreased tie, blue trousers and side parting. The two thirds of the side parted hair on my head were bullied by two hundred and thirty children hooting how I wasn't cool. Ofcourse I was warm, wanted to make friends but their feelings, were refrigerated. So only one third of me, remained.
2. When I grew, I wasn't so good at math until she taught me how to count infinity between two locked hands. Little did I know, the key to unlock infinity read; zero just like the time she took to switch to another pair of hands.
3. I am the same guy who travels in a bus with his shoulders flexed inside soon as a girl passes me, she still bumps into me, I still say sorry, she leaves calling me a pervert. I am the same guy who thinks a thousand times before replying her something which doesn't make me a predator in her eyes. I let her eat a part of me, everytime to assure her, my dignity.
4. And man, I was slender without traces of bricks pointing from my stomach. There were veins sprouting from my arms. The same women who marched against body shaming, mocked at winds to carry my weightless flesh by the evening. Today is the weight of several nights I couldn't sleep to the lullabies of hypocrisy.
5. The man underneath these carved city muscles is a countryhouse made of sand. He can break into tears only in a room where no echoes pass, what passes through is the noise of blames and incisions on his character. They call him a coward if he chooses to stay mum over yells, they call him brutal if he stands up to explain.
6. I am a thin line between the do's and the don'ts. I am so done.
7. Maneaters are not alone men. The last thing that ate me, were two hazel eyes I used to cook dinners for.
8. I built muscles to mask the part of me that feels nothing. I look in the mirror, it's my entire body.
9. Now, they call me a heartthrob, a charmer and hot, (how I wasn't cool told you). Only one third of me, remains.
that life doesn't throw at us the things we can't handle seems to be the harsh way of saying there's nothing we can't learn from. time gives hindsight it's importance but what relevance does clarity carry if your name is no longer yours. the clocks tick as if to say that nothing remains the same, regardless of familiarity and shared moments. so, to put to blame those who give up because they've experienced a moment countlessly is to say that birds shouldn't fly whenever you're around. safety doesn't have a look, it's always a feeling. it's why the secrets you told yesterday are sometimes today's regrets, yet, tomorrow seems to create spaces for them to exist peacefully. people run from places they've known long enough to call skin, unfortunately.
I hope these words bring you comfort. I believe there's such thing as a "calming storm" - I've experienced them. Something about the rain especially hearing it against the window. I won't be hearing or seeing it for months now that it's summer, and I'm being nostalgic writing about it. And looking forward to it. Regarding hope, I really believe each day can bring something amazing, even if it's just for a moment. Hold onto that precious moment. ❤️
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