Did you wake up sweetie?
Did you realise that you are more sick than you thought?
Are your lungs not working to capacity?
Have you realised there are no cures for your diseases?
Have you realised there won't be in your lifetime?
Are you #sociallyanxious & awkward?
Does the idea of dating anyone conjure up sad memories of #loss, #heartache, feeling like a pariah & just not trusting people?
Have you survived #pedophiles?
#abuse, childhood & adult?
Loss of your father figure as a young teen?
Death, after death, after death?
#cutting & #selfharm?
An #accident that you didn't cause, that altered the entire course of you #life, #health, #finances, brain chemistry & #energy?
Have the consequences of said accident, gotten you treated as if your #pain, #agony, & discomfort aren't real or valid, just because no one can see them?
Do you get treated this way by doctors?
Some random jerk or bitch who DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU or what you battle or don't battle??
Are you sick of people who took a #hippocraticoath not to cause harm, causing even more than the general public do???
Are you #housingchallenged?
Is there no help for you because you have no kids?
Because you're not a vet?
Because you are #disabled & the people that could actually give you a hand up, keep you as a number not actually worthy of help?
Do you want to work?
Are you capable, but not?
Are you tired of people expecting things from you that are #unrealistic for your situation?
Are you tired of the jobs you could do from home/laptop requiring a 4 year degree or tons of experience?
Are you tired of people not understanding that you literally cannot do just any job?
Are you tired of a country who's system doesn't really seem to help anyone?
Are you tired of just being a number, in a computer, who isn't worthy of a hand up, according to some politician who has forgotten what it's like to be human?
Are you tired of the catch 22s?
Are you getting tired of even trying?
Welcome to #mychroniclife 💜😔🧡
Hello and welcome back to the medical nightmare saga that is Polar Pig, the #TongueOutTuesday edition. As stated prior, Polar had surgery scheduled this week - the final step in "covering all of our bases" prior to her procedure was pre-anesthetic blood work, which was done on Saturday, 12/15.
Unfortunately, her results weren’t great. She now has a new issue of elevated renal values and isn't concentrating her urine properly. After speaking with her rDVM and several e-mail correspondences with her oncologist, for Polar's safety, her surgery has been cancelled to further investigate this new finding. Depending on what we find, the procedure may be rescheduled in the early months of 2019.
I'm not going to lie, I absolutely lost it on Sunday after finding out this new and unexpected information (my eyes are still sore from excessively crying). Finding new tumor growth was stressful, hearing a louder murmur & having her heart evaluated was stressful, scheduling surgery (and coordinating it with my husband's time off from work, so that Polar could recover comfortably at home) was stressful; but, we planned, pushed forward and everything was just starting to come together and things were looking a little brighter. All of the planning and hopefulness sort of crashed down around us with this new finding.
I was so hopeful we could resolve this one issue (tumors) and move forward from there, but, I feel somewhat robbed of that at this juncture. I feel anxious, scared and uncertain for what lies ahead and what we might find. She has an abdominal ultrasound scheduled later this week and we will go from there.
As for Polar? She is unaware she has any health issues, she is not acting sickly and has virtually no clinical signs at this time. She yelled at me earlier, as she REALLY NEEDED second dinner. And you know what? I gave it to her. I told her in exchange, she has to be OK, she isn't allowed to have any significant renal disease.
I don't know if my request resonated with her, but, I hope it did, because she is breaking my heart.
There always comes a time when you have to say good bye forever. I’ll always miss you and carry you in my heart. We have so many memories and I will forever be grateful for them. #goodbyesucks#loveyouforever❤️ #grief#heartache
LeBron : An Interlude
I dreamed of you last night
In the dream, you were with her
You did not notice me
As much as I fought to draw your gaze
You did not notice me
And in the dream, I wasn't sad you weren't mine
I didn't want you back
I didn't miss you like I used to
In the dream, I was free
My lessons learned
My growth portioned-out for right-sized consumption
My mangled heart on her way to healing
In my dream I was free
Free of you
Free from the expectation of you
Will you notice me?
Set me free
A little more
i clear a path, the pavement follows me. they follow me too. i’m not so alone, only sometimes. when phantoms of lovers past haunt me. with swollen lids, i plead: lead me or leave me. ••• Three more sleeps until Winter Solstice and I’m continuing my “end of year” reflections by giving thanks. This year, I experienced new kinds of loving and heart ache through officially coming out as bi, opening up my long term relationship, and being single for the first time in my adult life. Whether we shared one night, sporadic visits over the course of a few months, a brief but intense chunk of time, or over a decade of partnership, each person has taught me something about myself and about the many sides of human interaction, communication, play, passion, tenderness, friendship, trust, and boundaries. Annnnd I guess you giving me a tonne of material for songwriting is an added bonus 😜 so THANKS.
8 654 hours ago
Dia memilih pergi.
Jangan merasa tak pantas. Apalagi sampai menyalahkan diri.
Hati tak bisa dipaksa, takdir tak bisa direkayasa.
Kalau dia enggan memperbaiki, biarkan pergi.
Jodoh tentang mengusahakan, bukan saling melepaskan.
Today, I was rejected from yet another show I applied to, thank you. That was not the only sad news I heard. And because of both, I was reminded why I paint. I needed the reminder. #doitfortheprocess ···
For the Sake of my Heart
Acrylic and pastel on canvas