I grabbed my board and headed into the water.
I felt defeated, shaken to my core. How did I let this happen. Why am I not good enough.
These words echoed.
Over and over again.
My brain was confused.
My heart broken.
It was close to sunset as I stumbled angrily into the ocean,
clenching my board,
Pushing forward into isolation.
The ocean beckoned softly to me,
whipping my wet, salty hair against my cheeks,
calling my name from it’s dark depths.
As soon as I walked forward, it pushed me away.
Seemingly wanting to envelop me & toss me ashore, at the same time.
I stumbled back 4 or 5 steps, only to feel the oceans warm water fill in the cracks of my shattered hopes,
while allowing me to push deeper into its palpable embrace.
I gasped for air and answers, as I continued pushing farther into the unknown...
Fighting and yet,
In the same breath.
With heavy hands, I pushed myself up onto my board.
Tears streaming down my salty cheeks,
Angry with myself.
With my choices.
With having goals and aspirations.
Why did I think I was better. Why did I think I could break the cycle. Why did I think I was capable.
Screaming at the ocean for my inadequacies.
I’ve fought long and tirelessly to come this far, why now.
There I was, the ocean giving me more comfort then I’ve felt on dry land.
The resounding sound of the controlled chaos the waves brought in with each crash,
brought comfort to me.
That I could be just as wild as the waves,
but bring comfort to those who understand my chaos.
I don’t recall the actual moment when my ache within my chest began to fade.
Slowly, but as equally predictable as the in-and-out of the waves, my ache began to fade.
There is more to who I am then a single choice.
Sitting on my board,
I am grateful for feeling...
the breath in my lungs, rhythmically, move in-and-out of my body,
beautiful controlled chaos.
beautiful controlled chaos.
My emotions, My one life,
beautiful controlled chaos.
My heart began to soften,
my tears, no longer streamed down my face,
I gave into a wave, letting it carry me to shore. Just so I could do it all over again. ❤️
Today I visited @a2ndcup and they are ‘more than a cafe, it’s coffee with a cause.’ They established in 2012 to raise awareness of human trafficking issues in Houston—and to develop resources that help create a second chance for survivors. The sales made through their coffee shop is used to fund their cause and stop human trafficking in Houston. I loved the atmosphere of their coffeeshop, their baristas were SUPER welcoming & most importantly their cause! - sincerely, Kryssie. 💉👩🏽⚕️💊
Shared my transformation over in our free group today & wanted to share over here too because #transformationtuesday 💪🏼🔥
The picture on the left was taken back in June before I started the program that would change the way I felt about working out 😍 The photo in the middle was taken after I finished my first round & the photo on the right was taken today - Round 2, Week 4. Honestly, I can’t tell much of a difference between the middle & the right photo and that makes me so happy 🙌🏼🙌🏼 I went on a week long vacation to visit Carter - and you know your girl grubbed 🍻🍕& lately I’ve been having some lower back pain that has thrown my workout schedule out of wack. So as much as I wish I was sporting a six-pack in the picture I took today, I’m just glad I’m maintaining what I worked so hard to accomplish in my first round 💕
My goal for the rest of this round is to just be patient with my body, keep pushing & not give up! 👊🏼✨
12 802 hours ago
Time is going by so fast now. 48 days until we start our long drive back west. We’re going to miss living here, but are so excited to be moving back to Tucson. It’s definitely where we call “home” now. I’m looking forward to Andrew getting back to a normal work schedule of not being gone half the year & I’m even more excited to be *hopefully* starting nursing school in May. A lot of changes are coming up, but they are all good ❤️ #pcs#ftbragg#davismonthanafb#futurern#inchristalone#letsdothis
0 52 hours ago
Fully accepted into nursing school 😭😭😭 THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE 💘🏩😭
Did really well on the HESI! That 100% there is in Anatomy and Physiology. Can you tell it's my favorite subject?? I wish I did better on the math but it's passing and that's all that matters. Surprisingly math is the only section I studied but I really only studied for 3 days before the exam so if I had been able to study more I would have done better. Tomorrow I have 2 exams in school and then my first day of clinical in a hospital on Thursday. Excited!
A VERY special #toast today because ya girl PASSED the predictor exam and officially completed NURSING SCHOOL🙌🏻🎉🍾
Those 17 months flew by. Next stop, pass the NCLEX, take a vacation and get a job✈️🙏🏻
Ps, @daveskillerbread with smashed avo can be enjoyed at any hour of day😉
60 1393 hours ago
tele techs practiced placing electrodes on me today #telemetry#futureRN not my best photo though 👹
0 163 hours ago
I had originally considered pursuing something in dermatology, but I’ve learned I dislike tissues. Greatly. Fortunately for me, the feeling isn’t mutual. Another 96% #anatomy#futurern
2 73 hours ago
Here's to celebrating mini victories🙌🎃 The end to an overwhelmingly stressful 8 week term is finally here & somehow I managed to pull some of my best grades since Fundamentals- finally got over a 94 average in a class to get an A! (Yes this is a big deal for me since I'm always at a 93/92 average which is a B+) .
This past term has been the most difficult for me yet & really tested my mental capacity both on an emotional and physical level. I got to a point where I had breakdowns every day. .
The overwhelmingly amount of work & high expectations I had for myself (along with some personal issues) pushed me to take a haitus off social media and really focus on myself
Another chaotic term starts in a week and I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared for it, but one this is for certain, I'm going to take care of my mental health & sanity this time.
I can't begin to stress how important it is to take care of your physical and mental health! Neglecting both drove me off the edge this past term. Please take the time to breathe, partake in some self-care, just do what you need to do in order to make yourself feel good! .
Self-care has always made me feel guilty. "I could be doing something more productive" is what I always tell myself. But, that's how you burn yourself out. It's okay to give yourself a break sometimes! .
You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself 💕
This is the face of a girl who just applied for graduation 🎉🎉🎓🙈 **
As a super senior this makes my heart so happy. I had far from the traditional college experience, but I’ve come to terms with that. I used to dream about having a typical college experience, but girlfriend, you aren’t typical and neither is life. Just because you hear bits of stories about ___ and they all had the same message doesn’t mean that’s the route for you. **
I’m a strong believer in everything happens for a reason, and these reasons are great. Let the countdown continue 💖✨
I spent over three hours today in an anatomy lab helping teach and quiz future nurses and health care professionals!💉 It’s always awesome to see others learning and striving for more education and understanding. The body is incredible. 🙌🏻
1 446 hours ago
Your looking at a girl who is on her way to get her CNA & a NEW job at Woodland Care Center. I guess going back to the roots of where my love of nursing all started all those 10 years ago is my path.
1 306 hours ago
Created this to track/blog my journey completing the accelerated BSN program at RU! Currently a month in, and this program is extremely intense, but I have never felt so invested/ excited to learn. I have learned so much about myself, and how to push myself past my limits more in one month of nursing school than ever before 🙌🏼 still more to come!! #nursing#studentnurse#absn#bsn#futurern
This last semester of nursing school has been the easiest for me so far. I can’t tell if it’s because graduation feels so close or because I actually know things now 😉🤓. • There are only two more weeks left of class, and then I start 80 hours of an internship at my favorite hospital. After that, I am doneeeeee.
So these next few weeks until break are going to be super hectic so I apologize in advance if I go MIA for a few days, just trying to maintain focus. .
I have a 90% of above as my critical average.. (as of now) with only a few quizzes left for the next term so I will be studying ALL THE TIME. .
What classes are you in right now and what does your next schedule look like?
I went to clinical, like any other week. It’s my normal in nursing school. I arrived on my unit, got my patients’ report and went to “work” like any other nursing student.
She did the same thing. She got dressed, headed into work to provide for her family. She hugged and kissed her child, knowing why she is leaving, is to give him everything he needs. She went to work, a normal day in her life.
The amount of people surrounding this infant would be quite terrifying, if I wasn’t familiar to the medical field.
The amount of alarms was deafening and left little silence for comfort and peace during an intense situation.
She was alone, in the corner of the room, while everyone was “working”, another day.
Just like she had been just 1 hour earlier.
Her entire world, was an arms length away, she was unable to reach out
and hold him safely in her arms.
Unable to gently caress him and whisper how much she loves him;
during the time he needs it most.
I helped in anyway my nursing school abilities allowed me, but when my skills lacked, I turned to God. I prayed for that child and his mother.
I will never forget what I took in, what I learned, and what this situation costed; mentally, physically, & emotionally; neither will she. I probably won’t think of it every waking moment, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to feel like all is right in the world.
She will. That’s the difference.
We were both a part of it..
And had vastly different experiences.
I left the hospital that evening, different.
Better...for having my eyes opened. However for so many others leaving the hospital, this is not their reality. She may always wonder “what if”. Possibly placing a huge burden of guilt and blame on herself and others. But what I know for sure is, she will never be the same person.. same daughter, sister, friend, or the same mother. Despite the circumstances that lead to this, what cannot be taken away is her - being a mother. This is the beauty and the brokenness of being in healthcare. You don’t do this for the money. You do this because your heart is broken into a million pieces, CONTINUED IN COMMENTS** 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻