I think today is the proof I master a little more than a few months ago! I had a crazy day!!! A crazy emotional ups and downs day. The day started with a flower delivery!!!! Whaaaaat?!!! So sweet! Beautiful soft pink roses from a good friend of mind, just because she thinks I am a good friend... so sweeeeet. But then, my 86 neighbor had a stroke during my lunch break, I had to step in, help the rescue team with his wife, and well, it was huuuuge, she cried in my arms, I have never seen someone having a stroke like right in front of me... I was so shocked! And I had to get myself back together for a big time work meeting with super heavy convincing to do! Seriously... what’s wrong with your Monday! Are you challenging me???!!! Now it’s 5 pm, the news from my neighbor are reassuring, considering, and I am here, looking at my lovely flowers, all lost in my own self!!! But so surprised I actually managed!!!! I am going to do some stretching exercising stuffs to reconnect all these energies together! Unbelievable how I changed without seeing me changing that much! Keep going guys! Progress will surprise you 😉. Take care 💜💛💚🧡💙❤️
#lunch today was a bowl with many different things😍
Guten Abend ich hatte heute „zum Glück“ frei aber alles was ich gemacht habe ist gelernt, gelernt und gelernt. Ich bin soooo froh wenn diese Woche vorbei ist😩. Naja ich glaube ich werde jetzt nur noch einen entspannten Abend machen und erst morgen weiter lernen. Morgen gehe ich dann mit einer Freundin zum Sport und ich freue mich schon☺️. Sonst geht es mir gerade nicht soo gut was hauptsächlich an dem Lernstress liegt. Ich schlafe sehr schlecht und bekomme echt von Tag zu Tag mehr Panik vor der Prüfung😰. Ich möchte einfach bestehen damit dieser Druck endlich weg ist. Naja ich werde jetzt versuchen mich nicht so fertig zu machen😅. Ich wünsche euch noch einen schönen Abend💗🙈
Question: was schenkt ihr euren Eltern zu Weihnachten? Ich brauche dringend noch ein paar Ideen☺️
You can be a beautiful human being, you can like yourself, you can smile and accept who you are...all while not being perfect 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Perfect doesnt get us anywhere except for down in the dumps about not meeting one of the many unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. There’s a difference between expectations and goals: expectations are something we put upon ourselves that we must accomplish and if we don’t loads of guilt and shame rain down on us, while goals are a hope to achieve something with a timeline/way of doing so that is typically very flexible. You can guess which one is more realistic with less heartache for all involved 😝
Imperfections will come with those goals and they’re a part of us as humans- they make us who we are. If we allow ourselves to find the beauty in them, they can teach us a whole lot 💕💕💕
Ever since I went into recovery, I told myself I wouldn’t just talk about the good- I don’t want others who are going to be going into recovery to think it’s easy all the time, because it’s not. Last night I came extremely close to relapsing. And that would have been okay, because relapse is part of the process (when it happens we just have to remember to pick our selves back up). 2018 has been a real shit show for me. But today is a new day, it’s also the start of a new week. This year is almost over. It’s all going to be okay. -
Last month we shared some holiday traditions from our Recovery Ambassadors. Here are a few more!
Holiday traditions that motivate wellness in my life are so important because they bring joy and fullness to my heart.... neither of which living in the ED ever gave me. I love decorating the house and the Christmas tree with my husband and children. We reminisce the times and places ornaments have been collected over the years. We always have Christmas music playing. I love sitting at night in the quiet with only the Christmas tree lights shining, reading, journaling, and remembering all the things I am so grateful for. My holidays are always special now that they center around deep friendships, family, and gratitude rather than the anxiety, fear, and shame of the ED. ~ Kelli
Service! I have a quote in my kitchen that says, “The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best medicine for despair is service. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired.” (Gordon B. Hinckley). There are chances to serve around us every day, and ways we can lighten the burdens of others. The holidays are a perfect time to look outside of ourselves to see a need in another. One of our favorite family traditions is what we call the “ham drop” where we secretly leave all the items needed for a Christmas dinner on someone’s doorstep. We then leave candy canes all over their yard, knock on the door, and run! I promise if you find a way to uplift someone else, you will walk away from it feeling happier! ~ Sunnie
Where do I start and how do I pick just one?! The holidays have always been a motivation to me in my recovery. Family and connection are two of my deepest core values, and the holidays revolve around the amazing chaos that is my family. When I was consumed with my eating disorder I was not able to be present during family gatherings and festivities, I missed out on the true joy the holidays bring me - and those are moments I can’t get back. But I know that by being an active participant in my recovery. “ED” will no longer be able to rob me of that joy. ~ @jnolen1211
“Messing Up” *Trigger Warning* ⚠️ YouTube and Blog up! You can find the video in my bio, but my blog link is there as well, you just can’t click on it at the moment. Recovery and healing - not linear processes. Love & light! #rantsandramblingsofanidealist
Double tap if you’re a crazy plant lover like me! 🌵🌱🌳⠀
I’m slightly obsessed with plants and watching them grow freely, without shame. They grow no matter what, even if it means they 👀 look weird to grow towards the light, get too big for their pots or need to grow through concrete. ⠀
So my challenge to you this Monday is this- what can you do to foster your growth? What are you going through right now that you can grow from?
Also does anyone have any tips for convincing my SO that I need more plants for Christmas?🎄
Asking for a friend👇⠀
Self care isn't being selfish. Taking the time to care for yourself is so important. Because if you don't take care of yourself then how can you care for anyone else? The end of the year is always hectic and busy- but try to remember to just stop and breathe. Decompressing is crucial for a healthy mind. I know I always feel better when I get my workout in and get a nice hot shower afterwards. It's so refreshing! So whatever makes you feel refreshed like you just hit the reset button- find time to work that into your daily routine. You will notice a difference in your body-mind-soul. 💜💗
MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY 😴😴😴
-Haven’t posted in a couple of days as I just wasn’t really feeling anything. I’ve put on such a front laughing and joking and stopped talking about what’s going on because I didn’t see the point in it.
-The last 2 days I’ve been on two 2 hour walks and that’s helped so much. I’ve got quite bad anxiety this afternoon and feel quite scared and paranoid of people. I don’t know who I can and can’t trust anymore.
-On a positive note can you believe 2 weeks today it’s Christmas Eve?😭 like wtf is happening😨😰🎄
-Feel extremely tired and negative this eve so I made myself have a bath, scrubbed off my horrendous tan 😂 and going to do myself some dinner and get an early night as have doctors first thing in the morning. 😓
-I hope everyone has had a good weekend, and a productive start to the week. Just remember IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY🙏🏼 I also read a quote earlier which really resonated with me and it was ‘you have to be at your strongest when you are at your weakest’ 🌹 remember that guys💖 my DMs are open to anyone who wants to talk. 🕊
Lots of love 🧡💛
A lot of people at this time of year are working on their before photo 😉. Unlike most, I didn't need to loose weight, I needed to gain it! 💪
And not only did these products and this coaching system help me put on lbs; I gained lean muscle, energy and a confidence in my own skin like never before! So now let me help YOU find yourself, that's what we do in Herbalife; take your hand, stand by you throughout the whole journey and we deliver results!
2 1735 minutes ago
Easiest way to get in all your veggies...throw them together to make a salad! I took @traderjoes kale slaw salad mix and added in pomegranate seeds, tomatoes, onion, avocado, and crumbled goat cheese to spice it up. It’s delicious and filling- making it my new go to salad 💃🏼 .
I have something super exciting coming for you guys so stay tuned 🤗 #mondaymotivation#avocado
Sono di nuovo sul treno 🚆, ma non so se quella seduta su questo sedile sono davvero io. O meglio, non so quale delle tante versioni di me è al timone in questo momento. Probabilmente la peggiore, quella troppo impegnata a piangere ciò che le manca per notare quello che ha, quella che preferisce la rassegnazione alla speranza, quella che si disprezza e che vorrebbe tornare indietro, perché tanto, chilo in più chilo in meno, non può star bene lo stesso. Sono come in piedi nella nebbia: la odio ma non muovo un passo per spostarmi alla ricerca di dove batte il sole. Di nuovo non sono riuscita ad abbracciare mia mamma, di nuovo ho pensato che la mia famiglia vivrebbe molto più tranquilla se io non ci fossi, di nuovo vedo tutto nero. La serata di ieri mi ha fatto sentire sola, incapace di stare con gli altri e divertirmi come e con loro; mi ha ricordato tutti i diciottesimi cui ho partecipato in cui mi sono sentita così. Mi sembrava di essere in un corpo non mio, che non mi rappresenta e che odio; avrei potuto non esserci e non se ne sarebbe accorto nessuno, forse neanche mia sorella, che, quando ad un certo punto della serata si è chiusa in bagno, non ha voluto farmi entrare e dirmi cosa fosse successo, ma mi ha inviato un messaggio affinché dicessi a una sua amica di guardare il telefono. Mia sorella che, tra l'altro, anziché mangiarsi una fetta della sua torta preferita, ha preso un vasetto di macedonia. Solo in alcuni momenti, come quello del video, sono riuscita ad essere davvero presente: per il resto del tempo mi facevo paura. E ne facevo anche a mia mamma: me l'ha detto mentre tornavamo a casa, quando io non parlavo perché non sarei riuscita a spiegarmi (e perché non avevo chiare le cose neanche con me stessa) e lei andava a tentoni senza capire. "Il problema non esiste", mi ha detto. "La festa di tua sorella era stasera, non tornerà." Non mi sono sentita meglio e non riuscire ad essere serena neanche stamattina, quando lei si era presa la mattinata libera per stare con me e accompagnarmi al treno, mi ha fatto sentire tremendamente in colpa. Me ne torno a Roma con la coda fra le gambe, come il cane bastonato di un padrone intransigente. (continua ⤵️)
This is me, 2016,2017, and 2018, over the two years I’ve gained about 30 pounds. Everytime I mention to someone that I’ve gained weight, they immediately reassure me “no, you’re not fat!” Followed by “you look healthy!” and I don’t understand why.
I always ask them, what is fat? Where do you draw the line of “fat”? 100lbs? 200? Size 6? Size 10? Size 20?
Often their answer is “when they’re unhealthy”. I find this answer ironic because it’s always the same people who used to tell me I was too skinny to be healthy, so again I ask, where is the line? At what point do you get to look at someone, without knowing their medical history or having any prior education, and decide just based on their appearance that they are unhealthy?
How “healthy” do you have to be to be able to pass these judgments on others? What is the ideal height and weight for a person who is so above others that they reserve the right to tell someone anything about their body?
I’ll answer all of these for you: there isn’t one. There is no standard for a “fat” body, it’s perspective. There is no such thing as a “healthy” weight, health is way to nuance to try to put into terms of weight. And most importantly, no one is good enough to comment on anyone’s body. No one.
I’m not fat. Or skinny. Because neither of those things are real. They’re perspectives, they’re opinions. They’re not standards, nor facts.
Most importantly, I’m not healthy. I wasn’t healthy then, and I’m not healthy now. I suffer several mental illnesses including anxiety and depression, I have chronic debilitating migraines, back pain, and reproductive issues. None of those things are going to change because I gained 30 pounds eating mashed potatoes and pizza.
Moral of the story is, you don’t know what is going on inside someone’s body. Skinny doesn’t mean healthy, and unhealthy doesn’t mean fat. Your body type is just perfect, but no one is perfect enough to pass judgement on others. We all look good. We are all doing our best, and that’s dope. 💪🏻💪🏼💪🏽💪🏾💪🏿
#snack was a sugar free chocolate vanilla swirl jello pudding cup🍫and 5 of these raspberries throughout the day
#breakfast was homemade oatmeal—> 3 1/2 tbsp of oats, 7 grams of zucchini, 1 cup of water, vanilla extract, cinnamon, a packet of splenda, and 2 1/2 tbsp of sugar free maple syrup🍁
#lunch was subway..6 inch veggie delite with american cheese, lettuce, tomato, olives, onions, green peppers, pickles and ketchup on 9 grain wheat bread
#dinner was progresso light vegetable soup and 3 cheddar cheese pringles
#dessert / #nightsnack was 1/2 pint of arctic zero cake batter ice cream, 1/2 pint of dairy free peanut butter cup halo top🥜🍫, 1/2 cup of golden grahams, 1/2 cup of nutter butter cereal🥜and fat free whipped cream
+handfuls of cereal (about another 1/2 cup of each) and about 1/2 cup of blue bunny no sugar added peanut butter party ice cream🥜🍫
happy monday! hope your week is great and you fight through it! only this week left of school and than midterms next week! i have a physics test today which i’m probably gonna fail ugh
but yesterday was not the best until later in the day. my boyfriend brought over 2 gingerbread houses that we built. it was fun! his fell apart and he just started eating it but mines still up! i’ll probably post it tomorrow it’s not that great though i didn’t really finish lol
but yesterday wasn’t that. there were some problems but they were resolved and the rest of the day was okay. but i fell in my room and my butt hurts so much. it’s so hard for me to sit on it. and body image isn’t great. i feel like i’m gaining but i’m pushing through it. but anyways i hope you all enjoy your start to this week. love u💛
So many of the thoughts and beliefs we have about food and bodies come about at a young age, and they're often reinforced by a lot of the things we see and hear AKA diet culture. Challenging them is a lot like a game of Jenga when you think about it.
✨You know when you're playing Jenga and a block just WILL. NOT. MOVE? Sometimes our thoughts and beliefs can be hard to budge. That doesn't mean they're not worth moving towards tackling and creating a bit of wiggle room wherever you can. Even small nudges in a new direction can make a big difference.
✨It often makes sense to start with foods or thoughts that are the easiest-not that any part of this is easy! It can be helpful to challenge foods that are least anxiety provoking and keep stepping outside of your comfort zone from there. Doing this with the support of your dietitian or therapist is ideal!
✨Each time you challenge a food or a thought or belief about your body and form new ideas and opinions, you weaken the whole tower. It probably won't come crashing down all at once in dramatic fashion like in Jenga, but know that your hard work is poking holes in the diet culture framework and over time it will become easier to see through it. 👊🏼
5 161 hours ago
I’m not a big fan of fitness rules. We all have very different goals, bodies, fitness levels and abilities, likes and dislikes. So setting hard and fast rules usually don’t make much sense... BUT there is one fitness rule I set for myself and rarely ever break: NEVER MISS A MONDAY!
It starts my week out right, I feel accomplished right off the bat, and it helps me prepare for whatever challenges that come my way!! So whether you do it this morning, your lunch break or sometime tonight — don’t miss it 😘
I have been inpatient for 2 months now. I feel uncomfortable in this vessel as it has expanded but that is all my body is; a vessel.
We spend so much time and effort on our outward appearance that we forget to work on our non-physical self. Improving our mood, confidence and general mental health will show on the outside through aura and smiles.
It is more attractive to have a good mind and a good heart than how your body is shaped and sized.
I hope to leave soon and share some more with you guys ❤ Lots of love for you beautiful souls.
Exactly one year between these two pictures. The right was my work Christmas party last year, my first night out in over 2 years. I had convinced myself I was better as I had just been discharged from hospital so thought I was ‘healthy’. I was so self-conscious and so cold that whole night and I just sat waiting to get home.
The left is from last night, I’m having the best social life right now, loving getting dressed up and heading out with my friends, having (one too many) gins and dancing for hours💃🏼 recovery is the most amazing decision I have ever made, the energy and love for life I have right now is incredible❤️
You HAVE fat, you are not fat.
You also HAVE fingernails, this does not mean you are not fingernails💡
My current physique is the opportunity I've been waiting for the ultimate test of my progress.......... it has nothing to do with how I look, lift or weigh, it has everything to do with how I act, think & see myself when 10 kilos heavier❣️
My story is alike many others, you see I struggle with a body fluctuates weight all the time, but my first transformation focused on how I LOOKED.
As time went by you realise a few things, it has nothing to do with your weight, that deep hatred for myself had NOTHING to do with how i looked, & no amount of gym would change that, but my journey with exercise? Certainly did.
Thats why when I did transform, I started to realise how horrible i was treating myself. I was shamelessly plastering photos of myself at 84kg thinking i looked disgusting, & photos at 54kg's - thinking 'just a few more kilo's'.
Later on when i realised what I was doing to mysef, what this jounrey meant to me, what it taught me, I wrote- 'I wish i could be telling you back at the 84kg that having a 'fit body' will not fix your problems with how you see yourself'.
Well, this is it 🙌🏾
If im injured or unwell, 6 pack or not, the message will always be the same.
I am not defined by my body, I am defined by who i am as a person, regardless of what that looks like, i deserve self-love ALWAYS- you are enough ❤️
18 6866 hours ago
Find yourself a girl that look at you the same way Olivia looks at the banana flavored Ben&Jerry 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Positive update !!!!! My bulimia diagnosis will be removed from my medical chart on Tuesday and that’s coolcoolcool.
#Pintparty is a concept created by the eating disorder recovery-community and it goes like this: You eat like a mature, decent and sane human being during the week cause that’s what you fucking need - AND THEN you simply add an extra pint of ice cream (at any given day) to prove to yourself that it won’t kill you. And I’m the fucking perfect example for this: I’ve had four pints in the last ten days (don’t forget that I’ve eaten pizza, hamburgers, pancakes, tacos etc during that time) and guess who weighs the same as the beginning of her eating disorder recovery??? Me.
33 20922 hours ago
A strong, healthy body takes time...patients...and so much mental love ❤️ This picture was taken about 7 months ago at the beginning of my last cut....mentally I was strong...eating all the right things...doing all the right things...giving myself lots of love and encouragement.
Recently, mentally my game has been off.
Negative thoughts lead into negative outcomes. I’m someone who nitpicks my body to an u healthy level...someone who has a history of binge eating or not eating at all, and recently those behaviors have come back. Some people know the cycle...you eat, and then you eat a little too much, and then you feel like shit so you eat more to feel better....and then you keep going until you feel like you’ve lost all control of what is happening.
Binge eating isn’t something people like to talk about and it isn’t something people like to admit that they do, but it’s something that so many people have.
So what do you do when you relapse? And what do you do when those negative thoughts just don’t seem to go away? You take a step back. You acknowledge what you’re going through. You try and find the triggers. You do something to make you feel better. You talk to people who understand. You take steps forward!! DON’T LET ONE BAD DAY REUIN YOUR ENTIRE WEEK! You love yourself and tell yourself that you are fucking beautiful and strong and that you don’t deserve the self hate. You realize that YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE. You realize that you will get through this.
Acknowledging a weakness is a strength. Acknowledging a weakness leads to building strength. Every day is a new day and a chance to improve yourself fully ❣️
12 27513 hours ago
C h o o s i n g L I F E ✨
I’ve gotten some distressing messages lately from people asking me how I made the choice to recover. I remember not wanting to recover, wanting to just stay in my anorexia. But I never not wanted to recover, just not in that moment. I wanted to postpone it as long as I could. Wait for the ‘right’ moment.
When I think about it now I can almost not believe how someone would not want to recover.
Why? Your asking. Why did I choose to disobey the thoughts, how did I fight it? Well to be honest I could write a whole book about that. But mainly, because I realised something;
It will never, ever be enough.
You will never have lost ‘enough’ weight.
You will never have been ‘the sickest’.
You will never be inpatient ‘enough’ times.
You will never have burnt ‘enough’ calories.
At least, according to your eating disorder.
You gotta make the disicion to stop. It’s either that or die. Think about it like this:
Recover, and if you still think life’s better with your ed, fine do your thing. You can always go back! But at least give it a chance!!
I have never in my life thought I was thin. But when I look back now, to old pictures, I just can’t believe how I wasn’t able to see that??!!
I just want you all to know, life is sooooooo friggin beautiful. And happiness cAn be found! You just can’t give up, that’s the only rule. Fall down, stand back up again, repeat. I honestly believe 100% recovery is possible and I WILL proof it to all of you. I promise 💛
Do you promise to me never to give up???! 👇🏼
32 36220 hours ago
Guten Abend ❤️🌈
Heute mal wieder ein #transformationpic Es hat heute auch einen besonderen Grund, weil heute eine Ursache für meine Essstörung aufgeklärt wurde. Ich will dazu jetzt nicht ins Detail gehen, aber ich möchte es euch trotzdem erzählen. Ich hatte Klavierunterricht seit der 4. Klasse. Mein Klavierlehrer war immer sehr nett und wir haben uns auch privat gut verstanden. Irgendwann aber wurde die „Beziehung“ sehr intim. Damit meine ich keine Liebesbeziehung, es war nur mein Klavierlehrer. Aber irgendwann hat er angefangen, mich zu umarmen und zu berühren. Ihr könnt euch denken, was ich meine. Mir graute es immer vor den Stunden, wer will schon von einem erwachsenen Typen ständig an intimen Stellen angefasst werden? Ich wollte Klavier lernen! Es hat irgendwann Ausmaße angenommen, die ich hier nicht beschreiben möchte. Jedenfalls habe ich es nie meinen Eltern erzählt, weil ich mich dafür geschämt habe. Ich habe irgendwann mit Kalvierunterricht aufgehört, als meine Essstörung begonnen hat. Damals wusste ich noch nicht, welchen Schaden ich von dieser Zeit genommen hatte. Aber was ich wusste war, dass ich nie eine Beziehung haben wollte und auch gegenüber Berührungen war ich sehr empfindlich. Ich wollte unattraktiv wirken und keinem Jungen einen Anlass geben, mich in irgendeiner Weise anzufassen. Abzunehmen schien mir da die einzige Möglichkeit. Und schon war ich in die Essstörung geraten.
Warum erzähle ich euch das genau heute? Weil mein Klavierlehrer nun endlich in der Psychiatrie ist und danach eine Freiheitsstrafe bekommt. Wahrscheinlich muss ich noch Aussagen vor der Polizei liefern und dann ist das abgeschlossen. Unterbewusst hat es mich aber (für immer) geschädigt und ist einer der Gründe für die Essstörung. Und ich möchte euch nochmal sagen: Erzählt es euren Eltern und schämt euch nicht, wenn euch auch sowas passiert. Es ist nicht unsere Schuld. Es ist eine Schande, dass es solche Menschen gibt.
Das war jetzt nur die Kurzfassung, ich könnte noch ewig weiterschreiben. Habt einen schönen Abend ❤️
Yes, I overthink, but I also over love. 🎇🌞✨
🌺HEALTHY REMINDER 🌺: .
✨Make time for self-care.
✨Surround yourself with people who make you laugh a lot.
✨Eat food that makes you feel good. .
✨Wear clothes that make you feel good (or free the nipple like me if you feel better this way 🙃🤗) .
✨Find a type of exercise that makes you feel on top of the world. .
✨Work hard for your goal. .
✨Enjoy life. Each precious moment, like it was the last. We never know ❤️🌿
Do you 🤷🏻♀️🌝🌟