Uterus: goodbye old friend. You caused nothing but problems since I was 11. Debilitating pain, nausea, emotional volatility, adenomyosis, exhaustion and fatigue so bad I was sure I had some rare and undiscovered disease. For many people, a hysterectomy is a last-ditch, desperate and emotional choice. It was not like that for me. I know that I have made the right decision and I have wanted nothing more than I have wanted a hysterectomy within the last 8 years. That is how badly you unknowingly destroyed my life.
Endometriosis has been an utter roller coaster. It has been my companion for 2/3 of my life. Often times I lost touch with what "normal" was for other people--chronic pain became so omnipresent, a mumbling and dangerous backseat driver, that I started to wonder if it was like this for everyone. But it isn't, and it wasn't. Endometriosis has taught me to stand up for myself and listen to my gut. It has taught me to be my own stubborn and assertive advocate in my treatment plans and pain management plans (as ridiculous as that is, and as unnecessary as it should be). It taught me to REALLY enjoy the good days, to cherish them like a quickly-wilting flower or a dying lover. It taught me to put myself first and to ignore everyone else's expectations. It taught me that my own abilities and/or disabilities are felt and determined by ME, not someone who thinks they can figure out whether or not I'm sick just by looking at me.
I am hoping that this is my new beginning. I am hoping that this year, I can piece myself back together and become more of myself and who I was always meant to be. I am hoping that moving will be easier and that I can once again find joy in movement, instead of pain. This could be the one that allows me to begin to live again.
Here's to hoping and then doing. 🤞
19 292 days ago
18 months post-op (skin tone is July vs January 😆) - my scars are barely visible. During my screening the counselor asked me how I felt about having scars. I said I didn’t care - I’m in my 40s, I’ve had three kids, etc. she interrupted and said: “yeah, it’s not like we’re wearing bikinis!” I said, oh I’ll wear a bikini I just don’t care anymore what people think about my body 😊 #livingdonor#kidneydonor#davincisurgery