"One of my not-so-popular opinions about sex is that when you are in a relationship, I don’t think that you should own anyone’s body and everyone should be free to explore sex with multiple people. So I’ve always practiced consensual non-monogamy, which comes with its own complications like jealousy and possessiveness, but that is something I’m trying to work through.
I am in a very committed relationship, meaning we care about each other so deeply but we understand that we can pursue sex with other partners and it doesn’t take away from the feelings we have for each other. But I have felt jealousy and I have felt possessiveness. What I have learned about myself is that the more secure I’ve felt about myself in any given moment - because how secure you feel about yourself is fleeting and it changes - when I feel confident and sexy and my primary partner is very into me, that is when I feel most okay with him having sex with other people. However, in moments where I suddenly feel unattractive or dumb or like that woman you had sex with seems so awesome and badass and I’m feeling insecure, that is when the jealousy takes over. But if my partner and I just communicate and are caring about each other’s feelings, the jealousy can be short lived.
I’ve engaged in sexual relationships with people who were aware of my primary partner, but ultimately weren’t happy because they are monogamous people. Just the knowledge that you are potentially having sex with other people is just too much to bear. People think they’re okay at first and then they learn about your other sexual partners, and then it is not okay. What I’ve done in those instances is end it to avoid pain. Pain and jealousy is overwhelming for everyone involved.
Appreciating other people physically or emotionally doesn’t mean you love your partner any less. You can love as many people as you like. It doesn’t really end. Your capacity for love is not finite like we’re taught to believe. I don’t believe in soulmates. I believe you can probably be compatible with a lot of people in the world. We’re often conditioned to believe in a soulmate, but I think it's cool that we can be compatible with many people."
Currently debating if I should book a room in the city and wake up early for snow pics and brunch. (Yes, to get up early and not so I don’t have to worry about navigating the train after my dinner plans 😉) But I’m feeling super lazy and I kinda think the incoming winter storm is going to be a nightmare of freezing rain. Cancelling my reservation so I can drink gin in my pjs while watching Unbreakable and Split (bc gotta prep for Glass) seems like the sensible plan.
Happy Saturday! Next on my #DrawMyNYC series is my favorite place to run - John Finley Walk! Located along the East River, this path is absolutely gorgeous to run down🏃🏼♀️I always have to stop and take a picture. It’s truly one of my favorite places in New York ✨